We began our Melbourne Chapter eleven months ago in a hostel north of the city but within the space of five months we’d moved to a shared house in the South-East Melbourne suburb of Balaclava, ventured into the country to live in a caravan and work on a vineyard, travelled back to the city, rented a campervan and drove the Great Ocean Road, stayed in another hostel on return to the city, rented a flat in St Kilda and then swapped it for another place in St Kilda because one day while we were out the landlord installed a dubious looking heater with a ‘made in 1983′ sticker on it. Oh and the bed had bugs.
It was an unpredictable five months with a lot of uncertainty.
Would we get the Second Year Visa we’d worked so hard on the vineyard for? Would we find somewhere cheaper than a hostel to live? How long would we stay in Melbourne for? What jobs will we get so that we can keep travelling when we leave this city?
Everything was up in the air and we exhausted ourselves with decision-making.
That was until everything became settled again. We decided to rent an apartment in St Kilda for 6 months, we both found jobs we were relatively happy with and slipped back into a comfortable day to day routine we’d worked so hard to get away from back in England.
Life was predictable but I secretly kind of liked it. I like knowing I’m going to get a paycheck at the end of the week. I liked having our own space away from the confines of hostel-living and kitchen-sharing. I liked the security of not having to think about travelling anywhere for a while.
After a while though, it was as if I yearned for some uncertainty or even just a chance to do something completely unpredictable. I scoured my favourite travel blogs to try and cure my itchy travel feet, impatient that the next time I’d be setting foot anywhere new was on January 7th when the lease would be up on our flat.
And then 7th January came, almost far too soon, and we swapped our studio flat in St Kilda for a double hostel room in Byron Bay and all of a sudden everything was up in the air again.
Everything is unpredictable again.
We have no plans set in stone. No apartment lease to adhere by. No job to go to. No paycheck waiting on Monday morning.
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| Beautiful Beach at Byron Bay |
It’s scary to be in that world of uncertainty again. It reminds me of the months leading up to leaving England for Australia in June 2010, knowing that the only concrete plans we had were one way flights, a hotel room for the first night and a hostel booked for the week following.
We know where we want to go. Byron Bay for a couple of months, Brisbane for a few months, campervanning up the East Coast and seeing the rest of Australia before we leave for New Zealand in June 2012….but without solid plans I find myself swaying violently between worry, procrastination and then happiness and inspiration.
The truth is I guess that I need some kind of constant. I need to know that something is always going to be the same. I comfort myself with the fact that I don’t have to make any decisions on my own or travel alone – this is a constant. I remind myself that I left the certaintly of a 9-5 office job with a regular paycheck because I was bored and unhappy with predictability.
I force myself to consider the fact that with no plans and no-one to really answer to, my life is a life of freedom. I can travel and be whoever I want to be.
But at some point I have to have financial certaintly because, however much freedom this life of travel gives me, I know I can only make it happen by paying my own way. So I’ll find a job, do more of the freelance copywriting I’ve been doing lately and hopefully learn to accept that I can’t control everything.
Not knowing where I’m going is scary but it’s also exciting sometimes too. I love that our plans can change at the last minute; sometimes through our own decisions, sometimes not and we deal with it because we’ve learnt to.
I love that I’m paving my own way and living a completely different life to the one I was living less than two years ago. I love that my goals have completely changed, even since starting this travel blog.
I may not know where I’m going travel-wise, but I know where I want to be and what I want to achieve with this blog and my freelance writing and my interaction with other travel blogs. I know what my long-term travel goals are, I have a list as long as my arm of the places I want to go and the things I want to do.
Maybe I need to stop worrying about knowing where I’m going and just be content with going along for the ride?
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I can completely relate to this because I did the same while in Melbourne. We had a safe, comfortable, happy little life – not unlike the one we'd had at home and it was difficult to leave it. I think it's natural to do this – it's probably human instinct to set up home wherever you can and complete freedom can be a bit daunting and overwhelming in a way. Overwhelming in the best possible way though. Enjoy it Beverley!! Can't wait to hear more about Byron!
It's finding that balance between being stable and secure and spontaneity and adventure that's hard to achieve. I loved back packing round Oz but 2 months in I wanted to just sloth about on the sofa watching bad TV. Hmm I hope you find what you are looking for
I definitely agree with you about the swaying between loving and hating the uncertainty of it all…it's ccertainly an emotionally demanding time but you have to remind yourself that it will all work out in the end; it always does. You just have to remind yourself that as up and down as you feel right now, you'll be constantly 'up' soon enough and wonder why you worried about all of it =)
I'm the same, I get completely overwhelmed when things aren't planned, yet I still love the fun of not knowing. Just enjoy the ride in the knowledge u can settle down again whenever and wherever you want!xx
Epic post Bevster…I think everyone secretly feels the same!
I'll tell you one thing that is predictable – i'd happily put money on the fact you stay heaps longer than planned in the Bay
How's AQ treating you?!
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Uncertainty can be scary one minute and just God damn sexy the next!! I wish you many awesomeness this year, Bev
Hey Beverley, I can relate with this post a lot. This is my first time traveling outside of the U.S. and even though I absolutely love the freedom, everyday there is this nagging worry in the back of my head. What is next? What are you going to do now that your budget is low? Where are you going to sleep? And so on. But so far, every time things have gotten a little dicey, I have stayed pretty positive and excepted the fact that this is what I wanted…the unknown. When I returned from exploring the Northland and sleeping in my hammock for 3 weeks right when I got to NZ, I returned to Auckland and immediately started looking for work. Not because my budget called for it, but because it was instinct. After a bad interview, like a slap in the face, I realized I should just focus on what I really want. Right after that, I got the sponsored trip from Nomads hostels, accommodation and other things like opportunity was literally knocking. I know a steady paycheck is great, and knowing you'll have that net to fall onto is great. I will be getting a job for a few months to support my next trip, and I'll probably love having guaranteed cash. But that is what I wanted to leave in the first place.
Sorry about the rant, I was just experiencing a lot of that feeling too. Hope everything works out!!!
Soooo just what I was thinking! Although I never had a 9-5 job at home, I left because I was scared of it (and my boyfriend was in Italy so… that helped). Coming to Sydney has made me want some of the old security back because I feel like for so long I have felt displaced with no reliable job or set plan. For now that's okay, but I also know I want to travel and I think I change my mind about what I want every single week at least once. I definitely need to learn to live in the moment!
Oh the uncertainty! I wrote a post recently about how I am a homebody that also likes to travel. I love certain constants about home but I would never stop traveling just for them or vice versa. It is a delicate balance indeed.
If there is one thing I have learned having lived both lives-vagabonding and career-is that it will all work out the way it's supposed to! In the meantime, you enjoy the ride, make opportunities for yourself, and never forget how lucky you are