It happens at 40,000 feet on 7th February, somewhere between Melbourne and Singapore. I double over, kneel on the carpeted floor of the back of the plane, wipe away the tears that have found their way onto my cheeks and throw up into the white paper bag I’ve been hyperventilating into for the past two hours.
I’m alone. I feel so alone. And I wish I didn’t have to travel back to England from New Zealand to go to a funeral.
Minutes later, when I’ve carefully found my way back to my seat, there is a flight attendant at my side insisting that I see a doctor when we arrive in Singapore.
“It’s just a bit of travel sickness” I tell her but she’s not convinced.
This picture is actually from my Auckland to Melbourne flight because taking pictures out of a plane window when you’re vomming into a paper bag is kind of impossible.
I grip the armrests of my chair, desperate to get back on the ground and breathe a sigh of relief when the plane lands in Singapore.
I will see the doctor, I think to myself as I’m whisked from one end of the terminal to the other in an airport car, I’ll get them to give me a note saying I’m fit to travel and get back on the plane to England.
Easy.
Or not.
Getting the certificate of fitness is easy. I tell the doctor my symptoms; sickness, stomach ache. He prescribes me medication for vomiting and nausea, for gastric acid brought on by not being able to eat anything.
I run back to the gate, note in hand, fully believing that despite not feeling any better than when I got off the plane, I’m fit to continue the 13.5 hour journey to London.
I go through security faster than I’ve ever done before, run down the corridor connected to the plane and step into the aircraft ready to find my way back to my seat.
Except I never actually make it that far.
“Let’s have a chat shall we? Sit down there for me.”
A different flight attendant corners me and I find myself sitting awkwardly in one of the crew seats in the business class gallery.
I’m offered a glass of water in an actual glass. They must think I’m fit to travel if they’re giving me a drink in an actual glass, I think.
“I’ve spoken to the pilot,” she says, her heavily made-up face just inches away from mine “and he doesn’t think you should fly.”
“Oh”, I say, because that’s all the energy I can muster right now as I double over from another stomach cramp.
Then, as the realisation sets in that I won’t actually be arriving home when I thought I would be, the questions about where I will stay and how much it’s going to cost me and when I’ll be able to fly next roll off my tongue in a panic until I’m being ushered off the plane and into the grasp of a girl who can’t be much older than I am.
She’s wearing a pink jacket and walking way too fast so I scurry alongside her with my backpack on until we arrive at the departure lounge I was in not more than ten minutes ago.
Minutes pass. I watch the plane I should have been on taxi towards the runway. I notice how quiet the airport is and realise it’s 11:30pm.
Suddenly another girl in a pink jacket is in front of me telling me that we’re going to the hotel and I suddenly realise how tired I am, how amazing curling up in a freshly made bed sounds right now.
When we get to the check-in desk of the transit hotel inside the airport, I find out that Qantas is footing the bill and the knot of worry inside my stomach unwinds itself a little.
Exhausted, I sleep like a baby until 8am Singapore time when I go and buy a phone card so I can call my parents and let them know to pick me up from the airport a day later than planned.
I take full advantage of Changi airport’s free wifi and sit in Starbucks doing some work until tiredness creeps in again and I retire to bed with MTV humming in the background.
None of this seems real. Singapore airport’s lovely, it’s literally the nicest airport I’ve ever been in, but the novelty of the nice hotel room and the free wi-fi has worn off.
I glance towards the empty bed next to my own in the twin room I’ve been given and a pang of loneliness hits me, knowing that if things had been different the bed might not have been empty. But that’s in the past, I’ve moved on, I just want to be home.
At 3pm the same lady who escorted me to the hotel last night comes by my room. I have to go to the doctor again to get another certificate of fitness to give to Qantas when I catch my flight later tonight.
She brings me my new boarding pass and I instantly have an awful feeling in my stomach again. It’s not sickness though; it’s the thought of having to get on another flight. It’s nerves and anxiety and I can’t seem to shake it off.
At 10:30pm I go to the gate, board my flight and spend the next 8 hours drifting in and out of sleep. The anxiety of the possibility of getting travel sick again keeps me from properly resting and by the time the (disgusting) breakfast is served I’m restless, exhausted and itching to land in London.
Even the smell of pre-cooked sausages and perfect little squares of scrambled eggs are making me nauseous.
OMIGOD when can I get off this STUPID plane?!
It’s at this point that I begin to wonder how I will ever get back to New Zealand. I mean, obviously, I’m totally done with plane travel. Totally, completely over it. If I never see a plane again it will be too soon.
I toy with the idea of taking myself on a nice, relaxing cruise in ten days time when I plan to leave England again but then realise that my boss will probably want me back at work, y’know, in less time it takes to get to Auckland on a cruise ship.
I briefly consider not going back to Auckland, to my apartment and my job and my friends but I love New Zealand too much not to go back and I can’t just leave my flatmate and workmates in the lurch.
No, I will go back to New Zealand. I’ll worry about it when I have to. Right now I have to try not be sick and pray that there won’t be any turbulence and try to relax.
Deep breaths. It will all be over soon.
I find myself repeating a little mantra in my head over and over;
I don’t feel sick
I don’t feel sick
I don’t feel sick
It works for a little while but the anxiety is still there. It won’t go away. It sits on my shoulder telling me that if I start to feel sick I’ll feel sick for the whole flight. It tells me that the cabin’s too hot, that the plane’s shaking too much. It laughs when I try and pretend I’m okay and snickers at any attempt I make at eating any of the plane food.
It makes flying a horrible, horrible nightmare.
It wasn’t there when I took my first ever flight (London to Sydney) and it wasn’t there last time I had to unexpectedly fly home. Why has it just crept up on me now? I wonder with deep frustration. Why can’t I just be a great flyer like everyone else?
Then, just as I’m about to give up hope of ever making it home without staring into the bottom of another sick bag, I hear my favourite in-flight announcement:
“Cabin staff prepare the aircraft for landing.”
Sweet mother of Jesus I might actually get through this flight.
And then we really do land. The tyres hit the ground, the cabin shakes as we hurtle down the runaway and the roar of the engines dies down.
I wipe the palms of my hands on my jogging pants, take a deep breath and try not to burst into tears.
Instead I try and find a smile. It won’t be long until I walk through the arrivals door and into the arms of my parents who I haven’t seen in a year.
I can forget about flying for now because I’m not at home for me. I travelled all this way to be with my family and to say goodbye to my Grandfather who I know was so proud of me travelling and working abroad.
I leave my travel-sickness and anxiety on the plane and hope that I never have to see them again.
Oh wow! You poor thing.
Travelling and being sick suck. Hope you were feeling better on your return flight. Glad Qantas footed your accommodation though.
And don’t worry, airplane food – especially the hot English breakfasts – smell terrible on planes, always!
Hope you enjoyed your time with your family in England.
Nicole recently posted..Longing for more time at Lone Pine Hotel, Penang
Thank you! I was SO glad to be back on the ground and, to be honest, the flight back to Auckland from London wasn’t that much better than the flight home but I made it back in one piece and I’m so glad to be back in New Zealand
I am all too familiar with this story, I’ve been there, done that
From vomiting on the way TO Thailand to not being allowed on the plane due to Food Poisoning on the return trip home, that anxiety really sucks. I’ve also gotten worse at flying the more I’ve done it over the past 10 years… ugh
Really glad that Qantas looked after you so well though (nice to hear something good about them for once!) Flying standby, ringing the travel insurance and trying to sort everything out really added to the stress of the already stressful situation for us.
Looking forward to hearing how you get around the world, if not by plane
Kate – CanuckiwiKate recently posted..Countdown to travel: 3 months to go
Oh Kate I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve had similar experiences but also it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who started off being able to fly with no problems and now, having flown numerous times, starts getting anxiety and sickness.
I’ll still fly, for sure, I’m just going to have to pluck up the courage to do it again!
Literally my worst nightmare. I have stomach issues and sometimes can just have 12 hour bouts out of nowhere. Luckily it’s never happened during a flight. All the best and RIP to your Grandad
Thank you Aysha! Hope your future travels are travel-sickness-free!
Urgh you poor thing, it sounds like an absolute nightmare!! I hope your next flight goes much better xxxx
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Thank you darling! My next flight’s to Queenstown at the end of the month but seeing as that’s only a few hours from Auckland I’m hoping it will be ok! I think it’s just long haul, it freaks me out
I’m not much of a flyer myself but I’ve never had it so bad. I genuninly feel for you and felt every cramp when I read this.
I’ve tried avoiding flying over the last eight months as much as possible, but it’s just not possible.
If only your braving of a flight could have been for nicer reasons
ANGLO/Dale recently posted..So, I Found A Lump In My Chest…
I know, I only ever seem to go home when something bad happens – that’s twice I’ve had to fly home for a funeral since I started travelling! But I might it in the end thankfully
I’m hoping so too, Beverley.
Dale recently posted..What Is Couchsurfing? A Beginners Guide
I’m so sorry this happened to you, sounds so awful! Andy hates flying and actually takes anti-anxiety pills whenever he has to fly. Might be worth it for you to talk to a doctor about getting something like that. I hope you feel better flying next time!
Ali recently posted..Simple Australia Itinerary
Thank you Ali
I think my next flight will be better – only Auckland to Queenstown 
Out of interest what anti-anxiety pills does Andy take? I’m willing to try anything really for the next long-haul and maybe test them out on a shorter flight
Well at least you got to stay in what I assume is a fancypants (?) transit hotel. I shall be staying in my first transit hotel later in the year, ooh la la. But yeah…I’d choose the whole no stomach cramps and vomiting thing over the transit hotel anyday…And well done for living to type the tale!
Tom @ Waegook Tom recently posted..Four Fab Ways To Keep In Touch
Yeah the hotel was pretty nice I have to say!
And, you know what, I never even knew transit hotels existed before this but I’m seriously considering (on my next long haul flight – wherever that may be!) staying in one to break up the flight a little.
Oh Beverely I feel your pain. I had the most awful stomach cramps on a flight from Singapore to Dubai, which wasn’t helped by with the air conditioning making my sinuses go crazy and the d*ck in front of me who reclined his seat so fast that he knocked my glass of red wine all over me – it was the worst the flight ever!
Hope your next flight goes better than the last one and that it was just a once off
Lilian recently posted..That Time We Got Stranded in Australia’s UFO Capital
Lilian that sounds like an absolutely nightmare! I’d be so annoyed about someone spilling a drink on me let alone red wine! And stomach cramps are terrible on flights. Flying in general – just awful! I hope mine and your experience is just a one off, like you say
That sounds terrible but I’m glad you’re back safe and sound!
Caroline Eubanks recently posted..What’s In My Toiletries Bag?
Thanks Caroline, I’m SO happy to be back in New Zealand now! The flight back was…ok…not as bad I suppose
Ok here’s a story that might cheer you up/gross you out. I had the same thing happen to me but with coaches. I once nearly pooed myself on a coach.
Luckily it made an unscheduled stop and I managed to run to the toilet, but since then I’ve always been afraid of coaches (apart from of course the darling megabus for some reason)
You’ll be glad to know the memory fades and gets better everyday. Though it might get worse first. I know you will feel better about it soon.
George recently posted..Teaching in Asia: 101 Part 1
Oh. My. God. You’re right, this story did make me feel a little better George! I’m so sorry to hear that you had to go through that! It seems we’re quite the pair when it comes to travelling between places!
oh you poor thing Beverley, that’s absolutely horrible! Well done on getting through it all and (I hope) making it to your grandfather’s funeral. I was really hoping the story would end with you being upgraded to business class, but I guess that would have been a waste since you couldn’t drink and eat! I hope you recover quickly from this travel sickness palaver!!
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Yep I made it to the funeral and said goodbye properly which was the main thing and I’m really glad I was there for it
I hope I recover from it too, I kind of love travelling and flying unfortunately goes hand in hand with that!
I love travel, but HATE flying. It makes me incredibly nervous. I learned not to drink any caffeine before a flight and drink a glass of wine if it’s a late one. I might take a low-dose tranquilizer next time.
Ugh. This sounds so rough. Sorry about your grandfather.
Amanda Halm recently posted..A Valentine’s Day Love Letter to the USA
So sorry to hear you got ill! Though if there’s any airport in the world you want to get sick in, it’s Singapore’s, and that was nice of Qantas to take care of you. Hope you’re feeling better and you’re holding up okay.
Edna recently posted..A night at the Irish Embassy in Paris
I’m sending you a massive hug. I had similar things on my flight to Japan when I went to work there – I think things just all got on top of me. I started feeling dizzy and went to the flight attendant saying I felt dizzy. The next moment I woke up and was on the floor with people all around me. Luckily it was a direct flight but I know how horrible it is to be on a small plane when you don’t feel so perky.
And my deepest sympathies to you for your grandfather. xx
Charlotte recently posted..Paulaner am Dom
Omg what a nightmare!! Do you know what set you off? This is honestly my biggest fear in travel, but at least you got through it at a nice airport. I got sick once on a flight from Brisbane to Cairns. That was hell and only two hours, so I can’t imagine dealing with it on a long-haul flight. Great to hear you made it back to NZ though! Hope this doesn’t instill too much fear in you for future flights!
Man that sucks Bevster! At least Qantas footed the bill and you arrived home safe and sound feeling a little bit better!
Things could’ve been alot worse – imgaine if you’d been in some horrible little transit airport on a budget airline!
hope you’re on the mend!
Chris recently posted..How I Overlanded Through South East Asia (Inc Costs)
I’m sorry to hear about this! It’s so surprising to hear of an airline taking care of a passenger like this though. My Dad flew once from Europe back to the US and he had the flu. Now I’m surprised they let him fly. They had to shut down the bathroom. It is definitely no picnic to fly sick that’s for sure!
Suzy recently posted..On the Rocks on Kentucky’s Bourbon Trail
No picnic at all Suzy and I was the same as you; totally surprised that the airline coughed up without me having to do anything at all! I feel for your Dad, having the flu on that long flight must have been awful for him.
Congrats on being selected in Suzy Stumbles this week!
Funny how its these types of travel mishaps end up becoming our most colourful stories isnt it! Glad to hear you got there ok in the end
Ash Clark recently posted..My First Day In Berlin: Taking Part In The East Side Gallery Protests
Gees thats horrible! such a bad experience and at the wrong time! Did you ever find out what was wrong in the end? pretty good of quantas to foot the bill!
rebecca recently posted..Monday Morning Manipulation #4
How sad is that Kate. Sorry to read of your experiences there. I love flying – not the lead up to it i.e. check-ins, security, queues, more queues, more scans. You get the idea
Have to agree with you on the Changi airport thing. That’s also got to be my favorite to have a stop over at.
Wishing you happier flying times in the future.
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